Caption Max

by Davis Wille

I’m back with my final two top-ranking missed opportunities:

Sports

General sports knowledge—definitely in the lacking department for me. I’ve been forced to work on various “classic” games—their words, not mine–in baseball, basketball, football, and boxing, and the chances of me recalling anything of significance upon captioning them would be slim to none. I could have finally had my in with sports-minded peers, but, once again, I dropped the ball (that’s a sports thing, right?).

Health

Health-related programs are more common than I would have guessed coming into the job, but their abundance is unavoidable, whether the topic be of physical health of one’s body or of the environmental health of Mother Earth. “Surely, Davis, you must have picked up something from this category of programming,” you might postulate. “You must be getting all kinds of relevant insight to better yourself.” First, see Missed Opportunity #1. Second, you should know better by now.

Of course, this list is only a sprinkle of missed exploration out of dozens. Not many people can say they have new areas of interest consistently intersecting with their professional life. The variety that comes with being a closed captioner is far and away one of the most refreshing aspects of the gig and allows all of us to maintain just the right amount of sanity (although I cannot vouch for everyone). Subsequently, this requires a sort of “on to the next one” mentality, disallowing any long-term connection with a subject. Of course, one could take work-introduced interests into their free time, but at that point, the line between work and play becomes too blurred for my liking, and next thing I know I’m fine-tuning my entredeux stitching technique. Maybe it’s not too late, though. Maybe there’s still time to liven up my introductions.

by Davis Wille

When questioned about the closed captioning profession, there’s a fairly routine checklist of questions triggered internally. In fact, the song and dance has become so habitual, my mind nearly clicks over to autopilot when entering these examinations by fascinated inquirers. My role in the Q&A typically includes one, if not all, of the following replies:

“No, my typing skills are not otherworldly.”

“No, I didn’t know such a company existed in Minneapolis either.”

“Yes, we caption shows you may actually watch.”

“The type of captioning you’re complaining about is called ‘realtime.’ That is not what I do.”

A rehearsed explanation is then prompted regarding the differences between realtime and offline captioning, ultimately ending with a life-altering appreciation on their end for the craft, as well as for those who have sacrificed their lives for it. Or something to that extent.

But amongst these banal-yet-appreciated curiosities, one notable inquiry tends to pop up every so often: “Oh, so I bet you’ve picked up some unusual new hobbies along the way, right?”

Usually I’ll just shrug and give a “No, not so much,” or maybe “Har, har, har. No, I don’t go home and attempt elaborate French recipes after captioning a cooking show.”

But why not?

With this plethora of knowledge flowing in and out of my headphones on a daily basis, it’s a shame I’m letting such potentially grand opportunities for new arenas of interest pass me by. Hours and hours of research for intensely specific topics disappear from my mind moments after a projects’ completion. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have let this happen; I would utilize this varied knowledge to expand my character and perspective of everyday existence. Instead, they’ve become nothing short of missed opportunities. This is a two part blog listed here are my three top-ranking instances. The other two will follow next Wednesday.

Cooking

So many cooking shows, so many recipes. Sure, most of the food items were absurd and intended to provide something closer to entertainment than realistic weekday dinner cuisine, but these dishes would have impressed. I mean, really impressed. Alas, my mother continues to accept my meal variety to not stray too far from the frozen pizza aisle at Target or the nugget-based food group  under the golden arches.

Hunting

A controversial hobby, no doubt, and not something I necessarily have any interest in. Nonetheless, I’ve captioned an exorbitant amount of hunting and fishing shows. Seriously. Had I been a hunter of any kind prior to my CaptionMax life, my skills would be insane at this point. By now I’d be winning competitions on a weekly basis from the tips and secrets just dropped in my lap, thus inevitably leading me to a lucrative career. Classic missed opportunity.

Arts and Crafts

As soon as I realized I was going to be captioning a seemingly endless amount of arts and crafts shows—sewing, scrapbooking, beading, costume making, you name it—I should have jumped on at least one of them. The stress reduction of gift giving alone would be worth it, even with the unavoidable scrutiny coming from my social circles.

Maybe I will develop a new talent. Check back next week for more of my missed opportunities.